The Spiral

I'm just traveling along in life, enjoying the sunshine and happiness around me, when suddenly WHAM. I find myself becoming quickly overwhelmed by every little thing around me. Every problem seems just to go just beyond the point that I can just handle it and move on. My actual issues become seemingly insurmountable. One thought piles on top of another until I feel buried beneath them, struggling for air, a kind word, a hug. No, not a hug. I would rather wallow in it, even while knowing I shouldn't. And it's not something I can just snap out of. A hug would feel false. The timing would be all wrong.

I don't understand why this spiral happens to me. I am an incredibly capable, strong, intelligent, and talented person who sometimes can't deal with dirty dishes and a cranky seven year old. The thought of taking the dogs out makes me want to cry. The towels that need to be folded are causing my breathing to get shallow. And these are just the things I can see in the space immediately surrounding me. If I were to even attempt to explain the things happening in my brain, it would be the longest rambling run-on sentence in the world, and you would probably want to have me committed.

I know I'll snap out of it. Sometimes just being aware that it's happening is enough. Sometimes, something very sweet and kind happens to me that brings me back up into the light. Every time, I stop and think about the things I can control, and the blessings that I have. It doesn't always stop the tight feeling in my chest, but it helps my perspective.