Oddball Dreams

Occasionally I have a dream that really and truly sticks with me. It just hangs on for dear life around the edges of my subconscious, and there's not much rhyme or reason to it. I don't always figure out what they mean - in fact, I rarely do. I typically spend a bit of time trying to figure them out, though. The other night I had one of these dreams, and it's still nagging at me.
My husband was working in the middle of the night (he actually works day shift), and he was attempting to pull over a car driving erratically. It would speed up for a while, then swerve and slow down dramatically, then speed up again and swerve some more. There was a normal amount of traffic around. He finally got the car pulled over, and it was a lady extremely far into labor, attempting to drive herself to the hospital. She turned to him, looked scared to death, and said "I can't stop it, I'm having this baby." He - always cool under pressure - informed the dispatcher of the situation and requested aid. Then, he squatted down and caught the baby on the side of the road after the mom pushed maybe twice. The mother looked at him with deep, deep relief and gratitude. I can see her eyes so vividly. She was beautiful. But, she was young and frantic, and the look in her eyes switched immediately to panic and terror. She told him "I don't want him, just take him, please." She kept saying those three things over and over, along with "I don't know how", and she was trying to drive away. He called me, then he called Child Protective Services. I don't know why he called me, but it was dreamworld, after all. She never held the baby, and she drove away right as the ambulance was arriving, and I was pulling up, too. Matt handed me the baby and said "can you just hold him for a minute?" He was still on his radio, giving a description of the car and license plate, and talking to the medics. For some reason, they never asked to see the baby, they were just watching us. Everything got kind of swirly, like it does sometimes in dreams. You know, when it seems like everything focuses in very closely on one small scene, and you can't make sense of what else is going on? I kept pulling on Matt's shirt, and he didn't seem to notice me. I kept saying over and over "I can't name him if I don't know if we're going to keep him." But in my mind, I had already named him - James. He would be called "Jimmy." I just couldn't say it out loud. But NOBODY would listen to me. It was as if I turned invisible when I held the baby.
And that was it.

Thangs, Part 7

I accidentally typed "thangs" instead of "things" in the title of this post. It made me laugh, since that's probably closer to the way I actually pronounce it sometimes, so I left it. :-)

Things I love: Finding yummy things like the dried fruit/nut mixture pictured above to add to my diet and make my body better. This stuff is unbelievable - Kirkland brand (from Costco). It has dried kiwi, pineapple, apples, strawberries, papaya, mango, bananas, raisins, cherries, and probably stuff I'm forgetting, plus nuts! Yum!

Things I do NOT love: Having to add this junk to my diet twice a day. I can tell it's helping my body, but it's not tasty, even with the tart lemon flavor.

A day at the zoo

Today was a lovely day. A friend invited us to go with her and her two children to the zoo today. Being the animal lovers we are (especially that kid of mine), we jumped at the chance. It was perfect weather, sunny and not too hot. Best of all, every exhibit was open this time! You may remember a trip back in the spring that we took as a family. That was a fun day, too, but there was some construction going on at the zoo so we missed a few things. Today, we finally got to see those polar bears, and we were awe-struck! It was feeding time, and those guys were frisky! The new kids play area was also open, which includes a lemur and meerkat exhibit. I think I could have watched those guys all day.

I always have so much fun watching my daughter at the zoo. She loves all types of creatures, big and small. She is soothed by the belugas, mesmerized by the walruses, creeped out (but excited) about the weird spiders, and she positively flips out over the elephants. She says she wants to be a veterinarian at the zoo when she grows up, and I have no doubt that she will do just that!

THANK YOU, GRANDMA!

She loves them!

My newest family member

My brother got a new baby. His name is Earl. Is he not just the most precious thing ever?

Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man

Play a song for me . . . because I'm hopeless. :-)

I got a new toy today. It is a nice tambourine that we picked up at Matt's favorite music store. The owner convinced me to go with the higher end tambourine because it really did sound better than the "student" versions. It has brass "zils" which is apparently the preferred material, and he offered a good discount. Then, in case I wasn't completely convinced, he offered me the use of his personal in-store Magic 8 Ball, which responded with a clear "yes".

The thing is, I'm no tambourine expert. I've been trying most of the afternoon to get a handle on it, but it is a slow process. I HAVE learned, however, that if I giggle - and especially if I try to suppress those giggles - the tambourine vibrates enough to be picked up by the microphones, and that makes me giggle even more. Then Matt tells me that I basically play like a little old white church lady, and that makes me giggle even more.

I am determined to conquer this thing and contribute more to our basement jam sessions. I'll let you know how it goes. In the mean time, peace, love, and all that grooviness.

Crazy man, crazy

If the title sounds familiar to you, you must be a fan of The Aristocats! This child, my beautiful and talented little girl, just finished her first play. She was "Mad Cat", one of the alley cats in the play. Although she dances in her own little world sometimes, she did a great job. I think she loved finding a home on the stage where it is perfectly acceptable to burst into random song and dance. :-)

These pictures are all from rehearsals, so the costumes are still coming together. I have to tell you, they turned out adorable. There were dogs, geese, lots of cats, and even a mouse! Here's Haleigh with her alley cat gang.

She is so proud of the fact she can do splits. I think she would have done them in every scene if they had let her. She LOVED the dancing.

All the kids did a fabulous job. There are not many things cuter than a bunch of kids with animal ears dancing and singing on stage.

All in all, it was a lot of fun, and the kids might have learned a teeny bit about theatre, as well. My kid was bitten by the theatre bug, for sure. I think she might be a little bit like her mama after all. :-)

Remembering today

to count my blessings and be thankful.

(Lyrics like these are one of the reasons I adore Annie Get Your Gun)

Got no diamond, got no pearl,

Still I think I'm a lucky girl.

I've got the sun in the morning

And the moon at night.

Got no mansion, got no yacht,

Still I'm happy with what I got.

I've got the sun in the morning

And the moon at night

Sunshine gives me a lovely day,

Moonlight gives me the Milky Way.

Got no checkbooks, got no banks,

Still, I'd like to express my thanks.

I've got the sun in the morning

And the moon at night.

And with the sun in the morning

And the moon in the evening

I'm alright.

Got no butler, got no maid.

Still I think I've been overpaid,

I've got the sun in the morning

And the moon at night.

Got no silver, got no gold,

What you've got can't be bought or sold.

I've got the sun in the morning

And the moon at night.

Got no heirlooms for my kin,

Made no will but when I cash in

I'll leave the sun in the morning

And the moon at night.

And with the sun in the morning

And the moon in the evening

I'm alright.

So, here's the thing

My doctor scared me just a little bit with my last physical. Well, it wasn't her fault, it was my pesky cholesterol. It seems that I didn't do quite enough over the last year (since I found out the first time that I had a problem) to bring my numbers down. In fact, they went up. Yuck. I've learned more about cholesterol and all those bazillion numbers they use to measure it in the last few months than I ever really cared to know. But all that talk is really boring (and causes my husband to compare going to dinner with me with eating with somebody's grandpa), so I will skip all the details. Just know that I am a small person who is mostly pretty darn healthy, and I'm just about to exit my twenties, so age isn't a factor either.

So, what's a girl to do??? My doctor actually told me that she would normally talk to someone with my lab results about statin drugs to bring down my cholesterol. NOOOOOOO, I said. I am VERY anti-statins, but I'm also realistic and I know something needs to be done. My doc felt that I should avoid them at this point, too, and I left her office with the plan to get serious about diet and exercise. Then I had some serious self-discovery happen, and had to acknowledge that I am not very honest with myself. I don't "count" all the "little extras" I sneak into my eating routine during the day. I also got extremely overwhelmed trying to process all the info out there into an eating plan that was the most effective for me personally. I needed professional help.

Enter Dr. Kathryn Barkshire. Hooray! She is a naturopathic doctor who was recommended to me by someone whose opinion I respect. I knew within 5 minutes (or less) of meeting her that she was just the person I needed. We talked for an HOUR at my first appointment. What a special treat in today's 15 min. appointment medical world! She believes in treating the whole person, and it is very obvious in her methods. I've never been asked so many questions by a doctor, and I felt the entire time as if I were chatting with a friend.

We did discuss diet a little, and she recommended I begin some supplements, including something derived from cane sugar, and cod liver oil. I'll let you know how that goes; I haven't been able to buy it yet. I think it might be psychological. LOL

The one thing she wanted me to start right away was keeping a food journal. It's not just a record of everything that goes in my mouth, but also of activity, stress levels, physical well-being, bodily functions, and anything I else I feel is important enough to include. Remember what I said about not being honest with myself? I have to will myself to write everything down sometimes! Talk about a day of reckoning! I feel the need to explain away my cheeseburger at lunch today . . . I had better put that in the stress level column. :-)

The positive result from this journal is that I was embarrassed to not have much "significant" activity to write down, so I had to remedy that. I've started an evening tradition of taking my big dog for longer walks around the neighborhood. We've only done it twice so far, but I can already tell that these walks will be inspiration for more posts in the future.

So, this is the change I'm experiencing right now. I feel very motivated to get my body into a state of healthy balance. I'll let you know how it goes!

I found this

at Wal-Mart tonight, and I'm thinking I should try to figure out a way to get royalties. Clearly, it was inspired by my child (and her sidekick, for that matter).

And the award goes to . . . .

My dear, sweet, wonderful mother-in-law over at Cedar Chest of Dreams gave me an award for my blog! It's sparkly and shiny and I LOVE it.

Unfortunately (since I shameless plunder her blog roll to find all my blogging friends, but I can't help it, you guys are fabulous) I don't have many folks to pass it along to who haven't already received the award. However, I do have one, and I am so happy it to share it with you, Sunny! I love your blog, and you deserve a fancy shiny award, too! :-)

I wrote a little about Sunny in my last post, but you should go and check her out at her blog Sunny Days.

A Small World After All

I discovered a few minutes ago that I had even more comments on my post about Jonathan, and I decided that my responses really merited a post of their own.

I am one of those people who loves (and gets really overly excited about) those "small world" moments. Perhaps it stems from growing up in the south, where upon meeting anyone new you immediately begin to try and figure out how you might be related. This explains a little why I've been so tickled by my little blogging world today.

My mother-in-law got me started blogging, and, honestly, I've "met" most of these fabulous people through her blog. There's Chellie, a really cool Okie. She said once that if we lived closer together we'd probably be very good friends, and I agree. She had surgery recently, and in a stir-crazy moment she discussed the fact that her town was getting a new basketball team and asked if anyone had learned anything new. Turns out, she's getting the team that is relocating from my area - Seattle. It has been HUGE news around here and things got a little ugly in the trial that finally ended in a settlement between them and the city so they could move. I told her it wasn't necessarily the part of Seattle I would have chosen to share, but it was a connection all the same. Then, I posted the lyrics from a Trisha Yearwood song, and it turns out Chellie and I are both big fans. Trisha is from Georgia - where I was born and raised before relocating to Washington 6 yrs ago - but Trisha now lives in Oklahoma, not too far from Chellie. Coincidence, maybe, but still interesting. :-)

Tammy is a new friend, and I like her bunches just because she gets my mother-in-law, and she is a warrior of tremendous support sharing in her recent battles. As if she were not cool enough, she has children in MY HOMETOWN! Are you getting my small world theme now?

Sunny is my blogging friend that I found all on my own. Well, she found me, really, and I fell in love with her blog. She had me hooked immediately with her quote on success. I was floored when I found out she is in Colville, the magic place nestled in the mountains on the northeast side of my state that my husband and I dream of, and to which we contemplate relocating daily.

Chellie, Tammy, Sunny, and my other blogging buddies, I'm glad you're here. Thanks for just being the cool ladies that you are. :-)

When I'm with a Pistol . . .

. . . I sparkle like a crystal.

Yes, I shine like the mornin' sun! . . .

(name that tune!)

Apparently, I started rehearsing at a young age for my dream role of Annie Oakley.

Can't you just hear 4-year-old me singing . . . "Anything you can do, I can do better!!!!"

Sunday Stroll

Aisling over at The Quiet Country House issues an invitation for us to take a stroll each Sunday and post about out experience. It's been a while, but I finally made it out for one today, although it was very brief.
I headed down to our little local store. It's called CJ's, and it has been a wonderful addition to our neighborhood. There was an organic market in there before, and I LOVED it, but business didn't pick up like they wanted it to and they had to close. I wondered what we would get next, and I have been so pleasantly surprised with CJ's.

It is a true old-fashioned corner store. They have ice-cream by the scoop, and the owner's husband makes home-made pies and other yummy treats. There are tables and chairs for kids to hang out after school. The owners have made it a point to learn all the neighborhood kids and their parents, and they watch out for them as if they were their own. Haleigh likes to walk down and get a "kid cone" for a dollar. They even have penny candy! Most of the items are around ten cents, but there are really and truly options for one penny! They also made the whole front of the cash register/counter space into a chalkboard for the kids. Fun!

On the way back, I stopped to admire my own little tiny garden. I have this big brick planter thing attached to the front of my house, and I hate it. I do not have a green thumb, and this planter has perplexed me from the time we moved in. I have tried all sorts of things (even decorating it with a scarecrow, pumpkins, and hay bales), and it has never looked "right" to me. I finally decided to just put a hydrangea in there and try really hard not to kill it. There were two hostas hanging on for dear life from a previous gardening attempt, so I left them while the hydrangea was growing. I also planted some petunias around, because they are easy, "happy" flowers, and the hydrangea was still a little baby.

I added the petunias primarily for some color, because I truly didn't expect the hydrangea to bloom this year. Imagine my surprise when I started noticing these little petals appearing!

I can't wait to see it when it really takes off! I also can't believe this jasmine plant. I thought it was dead! When I cleared out this flower bed, I almost pulled it out, but I left it just to see what would happen. It is beginning to drip with snowy white flowers, and the frangrance is heavenly!

It is a beautiful sunny day here in my hometown, and I'm glad Aisling reminded me to get out and enjoy it. Sometimes even a short walk can lift your spirits. I hope you are all having wonderful Sundays as well!

Melancholy Morning

This morning, my brother-in-law is on my mind. He has been all week, really, as it has been a week full of "Jonathan" moments. Although we had not been in touch regularly before his death, he would occasionally send me little messages, and I always liked knowing that wherever he was, he sounded good. I put a New Kids on the Block song on my Myspace page once, and he sent me a message saying he could picture me dancing around the living room to that song, and he was cracking up at the image. That was the kind of relationship we had. We shared silly moments often, and occasionally we had some really good, deep talks about life. Anyone who knew Jonathan had a unique relationship with him. He had to find his own individual way to relate to you, and I count myself blessed to be one of the few he allowed "in" to his life. We started out a little rough, but he accepted me as his family, and he loved me as I loved him. I know this because we had our own little special bonding moments, and they are memories that I will hold near and dear forever.
I was sharing one of those stories with a friend this week. We were sitting out on a pier in the Puget Sound with the mountains around us, and I commented on how much Jonathan loved being by the water and the mountains. I proceeded to tell her about the time he and I survived a tornado in a single-wide mobile home with his daughter who was about 3 or 4 months old at the time. One day I'll post that whole story. I also told her of all the "butterfly" moments we've had since he died. It started with my mother-in-law getting a special up-close visit from one shortly after his service, and it seems that whenever we talk about him lately, a butterfly appears. Haleigh has a real gift for conjuring the "flutter-by's" just by mentioning his name. WELL, I finished my story, we had a good laugh, and we walked back up the steps. There is a glass door there that you have to go through. It locks at night to protect all the boats parked at the pier, and only the owners can get through. It is basically a simple door, with short glass walls on each side that keep someone from just stepping around it and heading down the boardwalk. Would you believe, there was an enormous black and yellow butterfly there, obviously distressed because it couldn't figure out how to get around the glass and fly away. I was speechless, and my friend Katie, who is a beautiful soul and gets these things, just looked at me. Then we helped him (very carefully so as not to damage his wings) find the edge of the little wall and fly away. I said "bye, Jonathan" as I watched him fly away.
Two days ago, a lady helping with the play Haleigh is doing asked me what size clothes she wears, and offered to bring me a box of clothing that someone brought her but she couldn't use. When I got the box home and opened it yesterday, I couldn't figure out why in the world she sent it to me, because most of the clothing is teenager and small adult sizes. There are some tops that will work for Haleigh, but most of the pants will fit me! When I was almost to the bottom, I figured out exactly why we got this box. Haleigh has been obsessed with all things green since her Uncle Jonathan has been gone, because it is her grandma's favorite color, and it was his, also. I knew she would like the hoodie I pulled out just for that reason. THEN, I turned it around to look at the back. It says "1977" . . . the year he was born.
There is a song my husband is learning to play on the guitar for me to sing. I've been asking hime to learn it for years, probably, but for some reason we just looked it up and started working on it this week. I've always associated it with romantic loss, but now it has a whole new meaning to me. It is "On a Bus to St. Cloud", one of the most beautiful songs ever written (and sung by Trisha Yearwood, who is from Georgia by the way). It is the soundtrack to my morning, and my week.
I didn't get to have Jonathan in my whole life, but I did get to share ten years with him. He was my family, and I loved him. There are moments that I still can't believe he is gone. It's hard to explain, but you just couldn't know Jonathan without being profoundly affected by him. He could make you madder than a hornet, but turn around and melt your heart. I grieve for that loss, and I grieve for my husband's pain. I grieve for my mother-in-law, who, more than anyone else I know deserves peace and beauty in her life.

In a church in downtown New Orleans,

I got down on my knees and prayed.

And I wept in the arms of Jesus for the choice you made.

We were just getting to the good part,

just getting the past the mystery.

Oh, and it's just like you . . . it's just like you

to disagree.

And it's strange, but it's true.

You just slipped out of view.

Just a face in the crowd on a bus

to St. Cloud.

You chase me like a shadow, and you haunt me like a ghost.

And I hate you so, and I love you so,

and I miss you most.

On a bus to St. Cloud, Minnesota

I thought I saw you there

with the snow falling down around you

like a silent prayer.

Happy 4th of July!

My (wishful) Declaration of Independence

I declare that I am going to try to not drive so much and be independent from the insane gas prices. $4.40 a gallon is just painful.

At least for today, I declare independence from worrying about things I have no control over. I'll try to make it a habit.

Today, I will celebrate my daughter's independence. I declare that she will not worry about what she wears, what she does, what she is going to do, what she wants, or what she looks like. She will embrace the independence of being a child.

For my husband, I declare independence from the painful cases he's had to deal with at work, and the general burden he's been carrying around for a while. I declare today his BREAK, when he can only enjoy himself and think happy thoughts.

I declare that my mother-in-law shall soon and forevermore have independence from cancer. Shortly thereafter, she shall leave Georgia and move to Washington where she will no longer be completely independent, but will join our little family who love her very much and are ready for her to get here.

Wow, watermelon!

Our family has sort of a connection with watermelon. I LOVE it (and I mean with my whole heart), and my husband is from the actual Watermelon Capital of the World. I'm quite serious about this. My mom-in-law still lives there, and they celebrate this fabulous fruit every year. I can say, without a doubt, their fields grow the tastiest watermelons I've ever had. I once had some watermelon from California that was pretty close, but no cigar.

Because of this connection, and article about this yummy melon caught my attention today. Apparently, watermelon has an effect similar to Viagra. Whoah. Hey, Ms. Robbin, maybe there's a more scientific reason for why the ladies of the night show up around the watermelon festival!!!!

If you would like to read more about the benefits of watermelon, you can see the article here.

I was

going to update this blog last night. I really was, I promise. I know I've been MIA, and I have lots of things to blog about. I've even been asked questions and had blogging topic requests, for pete's sake, and I want to get to them! It's just been a little busy. And, it's been hot. It's been the kind of hot that makes you want to lay around and not do anything. BUT, yesterday it cooled off a teensy bit. Unfortunately, it made us want to grill salmon and sit on the deck under the new umbrella. Well, that's not the unfortunate part. :-) We decided to have a Guiness (for Matt) and a glass of wine (for me) with our meal. Haleigh was busy playing with the neighbor and it was just a beautiful evening all around, and the Guiness multiplied, as did the glasses of wine. Needless to say, it was early to bed. :-)

Today, we got up and went to have breakfast at a neat little diner that is decorated in old metal lunchbox sets (think ET, Muppets, and Disco Fever), VW bugs and other bits of Americana. The shelf holding the coffee is actually in the back end of a VW van that has been attached to the wall and opened up. The meal was not good for my cholesterol, but sometimes you just have to suck it up and enjoy the good stuff. I enjoyed the experience so much that it might just get its own blog post eventually. We then headed down to Tacoma for some bicycle gear shopping. Apparently I've advanced enough to need real bike shoes, and I got my own helmet finally, not just a hand-me-down from Matt! I think we've finally figured out a way to squeeze in some bike rides even though Haleigh is out of school, so I'm getting pretty excited about that.

Speaking of Haleigh, she starts rehearsals next week for her very first play!!!! (Well, she was in Fiddler on the Roof with me, but she was only 6 months old at the time.) She is doing a summer workshop to learn about the whole theatre experience. She'll go to classes in the morning for two weeks, and at the end they will perform The Aristocats! I can't wait to see it. Expect to hear more about that!

Well, I'm off to make cupcakes and stick little flags in them. What are YOU doing for the 4th of July?